


Breaking and Entering

by Roswyn



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Criminals, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Flash Thompson Being A Jerk, He's like mildly sassy in this but still sassy, Hurt Peter Parker, I love me some sweet Wade, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mentioned Flash Thompson, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nothing bad happens between Peter and Wade, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Sassy Peter Parker, This fic is actual crack idek what to tag, Wade Wilson is a Good Bro, Wade is very sweet in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:26:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27993735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roswyn/pseuds/Roswyn
Summary: Wade breaks into someone's house in the middle of the night to rob the place, but finds a surprise--Peter, handcuffed to a bed.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Wade Wilson, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 14
Kudos: 485





	Breaking and Entering

**Author's Note:**

> Slightly inspired by Gerald's Game, the whole time I was watching that movie I was like "but what if somebody broke in right now, what would happen?" and I just had to write some kind of fic about it. I'm on a spideypool kick right now and I thought their personalities would be pretty funny for this set up so here ya go.

Wade pulled his black ski mask down over his face and crept out of his car, shutting the door quietly behind him. It was almost four am, the sun wouldn’t be up for a few more hours. Still, Wade needed to work fast. He hadn’t really fully cased this place, but there were no cars in the driveway or the garage, so he was pretty sure it was empty. 

_ You’re getting sloppy.  _ The voice in Wade’s head, one of many, was right, but Wade seriously needed cash, at the moment. He walked to the door of the house and crouched down. It took him less than a minute to trick the lock and open the door. 

He walked inside, scanning the room. TV, XBox, laptop...this place was already a score, and he was only in the living room. 

He made a couple trips out to his car before glancing upstairs, wondering if he should risk it. He probably already had enough to pay off his debt, he decided. He was turning to leave when he heard it. 

“Flash?” The voice came from upstairs.  _ Shit shit shit.  _ Time to go. Wade was headed for the door when he heard the voice again. 

“Flash,  _ please,  _ this isn’t funny.” It was a man’s voice, desperate and strained. “I swear to god I didn’t cheat. Will you take the goddamn handcuffs off?” 

Wade was frozen, halfway out the door. Handcuffs? Had he walked in on some weird BDSM shit? 

_ Probably. Just your luck.  _

“Can you just come up here and talk to me, at least? _ Please,  _ Flash.”

Against all his better judgement, Wade crept toward the stairs. 

_ This is a terrible idea. Even for you.  _

It probably was, but whoever was talking sounded so desperate and...helpless. And they were apparently in handcuffs, against their will. What if they needed help? What if he’d walked in on some fucked up kidnapping situation? 

Wade climbed the stairs slowly, and paused when he got to the bedroom door. It was open a crack, light spilling out into the hallway. 

“Flash?” 

Wade peaked through the crack. There was a man lying in the bed, handcuffed to the headboard by his wrists. He was also naked. 

_ Weird BDSM shit still a good working theory, then.  _ But even then, who left someone handcuffed and then  _ left the house,  _ leaving their partner all alone and begging for them to come back? It didn’t sound safe, sane, or consensual. 

“Flash, is that you? Please, just come in here and talk to me.” 

Wade pushed the door open and stepped through. 

The man’s eyes widened. He thrashed on the bed, yanking on his wrists. 

“Hey, hey, you’re gonna hurt yourself,” Wade said, stepping closer. 

The man continued tugging on the cuffs. “Please...please don’t hurt me. There’s almost five hundred dollars in the top drawer of the dresser, you can have it, just...please, leave me alone.” 

Wade walked over to the dresser. After digging around in the socks for a moment, he found a giant wad of cash.  _ Score!  _

“Thanks,” he said, turning back to the man on the bed. His eyes were wide, brown hair falling into his face from his struggle. 

_ Damn. He’s cute.  _

He would have been pretty damn adorable, in other circumstances. Right now, he just looked scared. 

“I’m not gonna hurt you, cutey pie.” Wade walked back towards the bed; the other man drew his knees up, curling into a ball. He was probably terrifying, Wade realized, standing over six foot and broad-shouldered, wearing a ski mask and gloves. 

_ Not to mention you’re literally breaking into his house.  _

Wade raised his hands, palms out. “I wanna help you, I swear. I just...see the thing is, if I uncuff you, you’re gonna call the cops on me, and I really can’t afford to do more time.” 

The man shook his head. “I won’t tell anyone, I swear to god. Just please, leave me alone.” 

“But I wanna help, I mean...who did this to you?” 

The man swallowed, looking away. “Um, my...my boyfriend.” 

“He the one who owns the place?” 

The man nodded, looking back up at Wade. “Yeah, his parents are filthy rich. Look, I don’t care about a damn thing in this house, god knows they can replace it all. Please, just...I won’t tell anyone I saw you here.” 

“I’m not going to hurt you. Honest.” Wade sat on the foot of the bed, folding his arms. “I have half a mind to stick around though, and give this Flash guy a piece of my mind.” 

“You-you don’t need to do that just…please just leave.” The man’s voice was still shaky with fear. 

“But you helped me,” Wade said, holding up the wad of cash still in his fist. “I feel like I oughta help you. Plus, this is a...worrying situation.” He gestured at Peter. “Your boyfriend is a piece of shit, you know that, right?” 

The man hung his head. “Yeah. I know.” He looked back up at Wade. “He’s coming back soon though, and he’s pretty scary, so maybe you should…” The man made shooing motions with his fingers. 

“‘Pretty scary,’ huh?” Wade shoved the cash in his pocket and folded his burly arms. “I think I can take him.” 

_ Oh yeah, we could definitely take him.  _

The other man wet his lips, still staring at Wade with wide eyes. Finally, he hung his head again. “Yeah, you probably could. But I’ll be honest, I have no idea when he’s coming back.” 

“So he just left you here?”  _ That bastard.  _

“He...he thought I was cheating on him, he was mad, it’s...it’s complicated.” 

“Listen, um...what’s your name?” 

The other man wet his lips again. “Um, it’s Peter.” 

“Peter. Petey. Petey Pie. Listen up. This guy is  _ no good for you, _ okay? I mean, he must be some kind of complete asshole. And he has no concern for good BDSM etiquette.” 

Peter rattled his wrists. “Yeah, that’s for sure. I’ve tried leaving before, it’s just...not as easy as it sounds.” 

“I could take care of him for you.” 

Peter shook his head. “You really don’t need to do that. I just need to...talk to him.” 

“No, Petey, honey, you do not need to talk to him. Trust me, guys like him do  _ not _ listen to a word that comes out of your mouth.” That was probably a little harsh, but it was the truth. “And for the record, you shouldn’t play games like this…” Wade pointed at the handcuffs. “With people you can’t trust.” 

“It wasn’t a...game, I woke up like this.” 

“He handcuffed you  _ without your consent?”  _ Wade could feel his blood boiling. “Where the  _ fuck _ does he get off…” 

“He just wanted to have some fun, at first. And then…” Peter trailed off, staring down at his knees. 

Wade’s blood had been boiling a second ago, but now it ran cold as ice. He swallowed, hard. “And then…?” 

“I said I didn’t want to, I wasn’t in the mood, but he...he got angry.” Peter shook his head, still staring down. “He thought I was cheating on him, that’s why I ‘never want to have sex anymore.’ I tried to tell him to stop, but he wouldn’t, and...” There were tears collecting in Peter’s eyes, Wade realized. One of them fell, rolling down his cheek. Instinctively, Wade reached out to wipe it away. 

Peter flinched, and Wade pulled back. “Sorry, I just…”  _ Don’t try to touch him, idiot, he’s probably still scared shitless.  _

Peter shook his head again. “I don’t know why I’m even telling you all this. You got what you wanted, right? Why don’t you just go?” 

Wade folded his arms over his chest again. “I’m not just going to leave you here. What’s going to happen when he comes back?” 

A shiver ran through Peter. “It’s not really your problem, is it?” he said, miserably. 

“Listen, Peter, I broke into your house, and by some insane law of the universe, I think that makes this my problem.” 

“I told you, it’s not my house, I really don’t care--” 

“Well, I care. And I’m not leaving you here.” Wade sighed, staring at Peter. He looked so helpless, so vulnerable, and Wade couldn’t bring himself to just walk out and leave him at the mercy of this Flash guy, whenever he even decided to show up. But he still wasn’t sure what Peter was going to do, once Wade uncuffed him.  _ Probably call the cops. Immediately. No good deed goes unpunished, remember?  _

“But you don’t want to uncuff me, and I get why.” Peter let out a long breath, leaning his head back against the headboard. “So I guess that leaves us at an impasse then.” 

Wade stared down at his gloved hands. “I’m sorry.” 

“For what? Robbing my boyfriend?” 

Wade shook his head. “No, for...everything he did to you. I mean, he’s not going to apologize, so...I guess I am.” 

“Oh, I’m sure he’ll apologize.” Peter rolled his eyes. “He’ll come home drunk and swear he’ll never do anything like this again, and we’ll kiss and make up because I’m too fucking scared to leave.” 

“Have you...tried leaving before?” Wade asked, softly. 

Peter nodded. “Didn’t end well.” 

“I really could take care of him for you. At least rough him up a little, scare him so bad he’d never get within a hundred yards of you again. I’m pretty good at it.” 

“At what, scaring people? Yeah, I’ve noticed.” 

Wade shrugged. “What can I say, I’m a man of few talents, but that’s certainly one of them.” 

“Thanks for the offer, but like I said, it’s really not your problem. I got my own dumb ass into this situation.” 

“Don’t blame yourself,” Wade said, trying to make his voice as gentle as possible. 

“Who else am I supposed to blame?” 

“Blame him. Blame him for being a complete waste of human flesh and a whole bag of dicks.” 

Peter laughed a little at that, and sniffled, wiping his nose on his shoulder. “Yeah, that pretty much describes him.” He leaned his head back, staring at the ceiling. “You know you’ve got shitty taste in men when some random criminal you meet is nicer than your own boyfriend.” 

Wade winced. “Um, yeah. I’m really not that nice though, I mean, I’m a complete lowlife and probably a waste of human flesh myself…” 

“Yeah, but at least you’re not a whole bag of dicks.” Peter was giving him a twisted half smile. 

Wade found himself smiling back beneath his mask. “Eh, I try, at least. I’m just saying, this is the barest form of human decency. You deserve better, Petey.” 

Peter shook his head. “Fuck me, how did I get myself into this situation.” 

“I don’t know how I ended up robbing houses, but here we are.”  _ High school dropout. Juvie record. It was pretty much your destiny.  _

Wade cracked his knuckles, shifted his weight on the bed.  _ Ah, fuck it,  _ he decided, reaching into his pocket for his lock picks. He glanced back up at Peter. “Just give me a ten minute head start before you call the cops, okay? Deal?” 

Peter shook his head. “I’m not going to call the cops, seriously. I  _ could not care less _ about Flash’s shit getting stolen.” 

Wade eyed Peter, trying to decide if he believed that. Finally, he shrugged to himself and leaned forward. Peter swallowed nervously as Wade got closer, drawing his knees up even tighter to his chest. Wade ignored it, focusing on tricking the lock. Once he had one done, he leaned across Peter to the other side. Peter stayed still while Wade worked, the only sound was his rapid breathing. Eventually, the second handcuff clattered off Peter’s wrist. 

Wade leaned back. “There. Um. Sorry about your shitty boyfriend, sorry about breaking in, I’m just gonna...I’m gonna go.” Wade rose and began to walk out, when he heard a quiet voice from behind him. 

“Thanks.” 

Wade turned back. “Yeah, don’t mention it.” 

Peter was just sitting on the bed, not scrambling for a weapon or his phone, just sitting, staring down at the red marks on his wrists. 

Wade hovered in the doorway for a moment. “Are you gonna be okay?” 

Peter looked up at him. He sniffled again, rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know.” 

“Do you...need a ride somewhere?” 

Peter looked up at him, forehead crinkled in thought. “I don’t know if I’m crazy enough to accept that offer.” 

“If I was gonna do something bad, don’t you think I would have done it by now?” Wade said.  _ Fair point, but you’re still a criminal.  _

Peter rose slowly, pulling his clothes from the floor and putting them on. He stood, and looked back at Wade, still standing in the doorway. “I could use a ride,” he said finally. 

Wade smiled. “Alright. C’mon then.” 

Peter followed him downstairs, giving the ransacked living room a smirk as they passed through. “Flash’s gonna be so pissed.” 

“Yeah, that’s his problem.” 

They got into Wade’s car, Wade holding the door open for Peter before climbing in himself. 

“So, where to?” he asked. Peter didn’t answer for a long moment, while Wade tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “You hungry?” Wade asked finally. 

Peter nodded. 

“I know a pretty good all-night breakfast place. Flash’s buying.” 

Peter stared at him, an odd smile spreading over his face. “You know what, yeah. Let’s.” 

“Perfect.” Wade pulled his ski mask off. Peter blinked. 

_ Forgot you were scarier without the mask, didn’t you?  _

“I was wondering what you looked like,” Peter said. 

“Yeah, pretty easy to pick me out of a line up, so if you want to, I guess I’m fucked.” 

Peter shrugged. “Lucky for you, I don’t particularly want to.” 

Wade smiled, put the car in reverse, and backed out onto the road. 

**Author's Note:**

> This fic really is ridiculous but I had a lot of fun writing it and hopefully you enjoyed reading it. 
> 
> P.S. I live for comments, if you're so inclined <3


End file.
